Opening 9 Jun 2005
Writing credits: John J. McLaughlin, Scott Lobdell, Robert Ramsey, Matthew Stone, Stephen Herek
Principal actors: Tommy Lee Jones, Cedric the Entertainer, Christina Milian, Paula Garcés, Monica Keena
Grizzly Tommy Lee Jones and five teenage poster girls for bulimia with overly exposed bosoms and bellybuttons are locked up together in a sorority house -- this film is a twelve-year-old boy’s wet dream come true on the big screen. Jones plays Texas Ranger Roland Sharp who is assigned to protecting the witnesses to the murder of an informant. The witnesses happen to be five University of Texas cheerleaders. Collecting cell phones and barking new sorority house rules, the pep girls pout with enough Botox in their kissers to fill a Longhorn pigskin. All express their unanimous animus towards their jailor who must take them everywhere, except, apparently, to the store to buy feminine hygiene products. As his cover, Sharp poses as an assistant coach to the cheerleaders, donning a Longhorn uniform and raising his two fingers high. In an English class he becomes smitten with Professor Molly McCarthy (Anne Archer). Of course the girls make Sharp look sharp with a complete makeover including ear and nose hair trim with a facial to smooth well-engraved frown wrinkles away for his first date, which is dinner at the sorority house. Sharp is wired for action as the girls coach him through his earpiece and watch him putting the moves on via mini-cam.
There is enough bull in this tale to start your own Longhorn cattle ranch. Two Texas stars for the ability of Jones to keep a straight face for this film that should go straight to video. (Mary Nyiri)